Working sucks sometimes

Before my son was born, the idea of being a stay-at-home mum made me cringe. Spending all of my time covered in drool and poop? No thanks! I am a career girl who also happens to want children!! I can have it all and not even break a sweat!!

Um…. sure.

When I went back to work after Buds was born, he was 7 months old and I was sad but also excited. I will be using my brain again! I can have lunch! I can pee when I want! I can have half an hour to myself on the streetcar twice a day to read a book in peace. Paradise!! What I didn’t take into account was that I had to work all day and then go home and still be a mother to a demanding infant. He didn’t sleep through the night, I was still breastfeeding  (and pumping twice a day) and I still had some serious Mummy Brain going on. I was not “doing it all”… I was hanging by a thread… not doing either of my jobs the way that they should be done. I went back to work too early and it is not a mistake I will make again.

I had a couple of months off after that first job and when I went back to work on my current show, I would like to think I was way better prepared. I feel much more confident in my abilities this time and although this has been a stressful show, I think I have been much more on the ball. It also helps that my kid sleeps 12 hours a night now and I am getting sleep!!!

Regardless of the fact that I feel much more comfortable being a working mother now, I still feel guilty when I miss bedtime or check my email when it is supposed to be playtime. It’s a balancing act and I think I am doing okay at it… and when I am not, I have a wonderful partner to pickup the slack. Himself is a prince! I think that most of my working mum friends feel that way about their husbands. My girlfriends have excellent taste in men.

I don’t think anything that I have said here is exactly earthshaking, but it is true. You can’t ever really “have it all”.


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